Phobophobia
by Mrs.BieberForever05
Summary: : Why the hell was a simple word scaring me? I mean, seriously, a word? And why was Remus here? I thought he didn't want to be with me. Was he trying to lead me on? Oh, god. Why must I embarrass myself in the worst possible moments?


**Title:** Phobophobia

**Challenge:** Irrational Fear Challenge

**Fear:** Phobophobia

**Character:**N. Tonks

**Disclaimer: **JK Rowling owns everything! But I wish I did. ):

**Summary:** Why the hell was a simple _word_ scaring me? I mean, seriously, a word? And why was Remus here? I thought he didn't want to be with me. Was he _trying_ to lead me on? Oh, god. Why must I embarrass myself in the worst possible moments (like when Remus is near)?

**A/N: Hey, so this is for the Irrational Fear Challenge, and I'm not a huge fan of the beginning of this chapter, but I looove the middle. I won't give anything away, except for the title (: Hope you enjoy! By the way, I'm still new to this whole thing, so give me a break. My second challenge (the first one didn't turn out so good, but I think this one will be better). **

**P.S. I'm not sure how old Tonks & Remus are, so I make believed that they were the same age. And I THINK Tonks is an auror (not sure) so that's what I made her in this story. Hope you don't mind.**

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><p>I sighed.<p>

I hadn't come out of my house for at least a week now. But I couldn't. It was my fault Sirius died. It was also my fault Remus thought he didn't deserve me. And now, he wouldn't even talk to me. It was my fault I wasn't pretty enough. I changed my appearance constantly, hoping it would be what he wanted, but it wasn't. It never was. No matter how hard I tried, he just didn't seem to show interest in me. So, I had locked myself in my house.

I knew it was stupid. And I also knew that I was fooling myself by thinking that Remus cared about something as petty as _looks_. But I just couldn't help it. Looks were something I could _control_. But I couldn't control what he thought about himself. I liked things in control, so I had fooled myself into believing that Remus hated the way I looked. Like I said, stupid.

I trudged downstairs for supper, knowing that if I arrived any later, Mom would come upstairs to knock on my door. I was entertaining thoughts as to why Remus was stupid enough to think he didn't deserve me, when I heard it. A howl. Outside. I knew it was Remus, I just knew it. But I wasn't going to be stupid by going outside to look for him. I knew the consequences to that. Why was he here anyways? It's not like he came to see me. Maybe his wolf self had just wandered here. Maybe it was a coincidence.

Instead, I simply ignored it and ate supper with my family. We talked a bit. I played around with my food until mom chastised me and I had to eat it (Yea, I know. I'm like a kid. I still live with my parents and I get scolded by them like I'm 10). Then, I went back upstairs, ready to wallow in my misery, which I did. I had been depressed for _months._ And obviously, I was going to be depressed a bit more.

But the morning was an unusual sight.

This morning, I had decided that I was stupid. I shouldn't be depressed, and I certainly shouldn't be hiding at my parents' place, even though it was home, so I decided to actually walk downstairs and surprise my parents by ... wait for it ... PRANK THEM!

Yup, Tonks was back in the house, and she was ready to rock and roll (Yea, that sounded better in my head). Okay, so maybe I had been exaggerating a little bit when I said I had been depressed for months. Maybe I had only locked myself in my room for a day, but _still_. It felt like months. Anyways, I skipped downstairs like a ninja, ready to strike. I walked into the kitchen, and saw that it was dark, since the blinds were closed and no one had bothered to turn the light on. I jumped onto the first figure I saw. He jumped at the contact, obviously baffled.

"Ha, gotcha, Dad!" I giggled. Man, had I missed myself. It felt nice to be jumpy and have my hair back to its crazy bright colours, and to giggle like I used to. That is, until I found out that I hadn't jumped my dad. I had jumped ... **(A/N: Insert Dramatic Pause here. XD)**

Remus.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Why, oh why did I have to embarrass myself in front of _him_?

After we got everything cleared out, I found out that it had indeed been the wolf in him that led him here. However, in the morning, he was kinda sorta screwed because his clothes were a mess and he was hungry and desperately needed a shower, so he came here because it was the closest house he knew.

My face, which had been ecstatic because he was visiting, fell like a little kid just lost his candy. He wasn't here ... for me? I knew it was selfish, but I was hoping that he had changed his mind, which he obviously hadn't. I sighed, not trying to hide my disappointment. He knew already, so why hide it? My mom was looking at me with sympathy. She'd tried to tell me to move on numerous times. I glared at her.

Then, I proceeded to glare at Remus, but that turned unsuccessful. I could never glare at him. He wasn't perfect. He had insecurities, but well, so did I. Everyone does. What really matters is how we are together, and we were perfect. How do I know this?

Well, Remus and I have a history. Although he'd never tell anyone, we'd dated back in high school. Of course, something just _had_ to go wrong in our seventh year. He was in the woods, and so was I. He attacked me. I got away in time, but I was hurt badly. I told everyone I tripped and fell badly.

Ever since then, he hasn't even looked at me.

Mom was talking to dad. They were saying something about ... _phobias?_ What the fucking hell is a phobia?

"Mom, what's a phobia?" I asked in my sweet voice.

"Well, honey, a phobia is when you're scared silly of something."

I wanted to run away. All of a sudden, my hands got clammy, and my stomach did that butterfly thingy that it does when I'm scared. What the fuck was happening?

"Your dad has Agrizoophobia. It's the fear of wild animals." Mom looked at Remus apologetically. He smiled.

I had to get out of here. I didn't know what it was, but the simple mention of this phobia thing (I felt my stomach turn at the word) scared me silly. I hadn't been this terrified of anything since ... back in school.

Remus knew something was wrong with me. Who wouldn't? I was starting to shake violently, my whole body being helpless; almost as if some invisible force was making this all happen. Whatever this fear thing was, I didn't like it. And I had to desperately get away. The room was feeling sort of cramped anyways.

I ran up to my room, shut the door, and locked the world out, just like yesterday. I hadn't been scared of something in a long time, and I knew that I had to get rid of it. I couldn't live forever with this fear inside of me, building up till it burst.

No, I had to get rid of it. I knew that. But ... how? I couldn't even think of it without getting a sick feeling. So ... if someone mentioned it ... I would probably pass out or something. How do you get rid of a fear that seems to know everything about you? _How_?

I distantly heard someone (Remus, maybe?) shout my name from downstairs, but I ignored it. I just wanted to be left alone. I buried my face in my hands, and only when I felt the wetness on my palm did I realize that I had been crying.

_Great,_ I thought bitterly. _Now along with a scaredy cat, I'm a baby too. How the hell did I become an auror anyhow?_

Then, the door flew open. I saw Remus, and was vaguely reminded on the old days, before seventh year. He looked odd now, though. Being in my room made him uncomfortable, because he got reminded of the good old days too.

"What's wrong, Tonks?"

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><p><strong>AN: Awwww! Remus is trying to help her! How cute. So guys, Review review review! And please tell me how I should end this. I mean, it was SUPPOSED to be one-shot, but it somehow turned into more. So HELPPPP! **


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